My efforts to grow feel useless since my husband doesn’t share them
The first decade of our marriage was idyllic. However, as our family grew, so did the problems and challenges. Raising kids, finances, school issues — the yoke of adulthood weighed us down, causing us to revert to the unhealthy patterns we saw in our childhood homes.
Finally, when I realized I was heading toward rock bottom, I reached out to a therapist and began working, struggling to get back to safer ground. It was a humbling experience. I had to relearn communication, life and coping skills, areas I thought I had down pat. But it’s been worth it; the results have been incredible. At least in my relationship with my children and my own sense of self.
My husband, however, hasn’t viewed these difficult situations as a wake-up call. He says he’s doing great; it’s “people” and “stuff” and “life” that are hitting him with bad luck. Whenever I suggest he may benefit from help, he explodes, insisting he’s fine and complaining that all I want to do is change him. The more I realize I’m a better, stronger person now, the more his attitude is pulling us apart.
I want so much to grow in life together, but my efforts seem useless if he isn’t interested in the same goal. Everyone says that even if just one spouse changes, a marriage can shift. But in my situation, the more I grow, the more distant I feel from my husband, who is mired in denial and anger. How do I keep our relationship strong when we have such different approaches to life’s challenges?
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