"R-E-L-A-X! Let your girls be. Let them start shidduchim when they’re really ready; they’ll be happier, healthier spouses"
I’m writing in response to the Words Unspoken written by the mother of a girl about to return from seminary who is concerned about her daughter’s attitude toward shidduchim. She is worried, very worried, about the panic she sees in the19-year-old girls just home from seminary. Chaval. If only she had read her own letter. “The mothers confide in me how worried they and their daughters are.” Bingo.
When girls panic, 98 percent of the time it’s because of the vibes they pick up from their parents. If your mindset is one of anxiety and panic because your daughter who returned from seminary three days ago doesn’t have a date lined up, then don’t be surprised that your daughters and her friends are panicking.
The eitzah is not to beg the seminary teachers to spend the next few months “instilling bitachon” into your precious daughters. The eitzah is for the parents to spend the next few months getting a grip and developing a healthy perspective on 19-year-olds in shidduchim. If parents have a healthy perspective, their daughter will mirror it.
Here’s my two cents: Everyone should begin shidduchim at the time appropriate for them. Just because your child turns 16 doesn’t mean she needs to get a driver’s license, and just because your daughter flew from Ben-Gurion to JFK after you spent $25K on eight months of seminary doesn’t mean she needs to begin shidduchim!
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