Please, please do not minimize and downplay the effects of BPD. I know you mean well, and I believe you that you love and care for those in your family and community. But love is not enough for victims of abuse
I’m writing in response to Anonymous Rebbetzin who feels hurt by the “unfair and gross misrepresentation of borderline personality disorder.” Rebbetzin, you are right: Those who suffer from BPD are not cruel, they are suffering. However, I feel your definition and explanation is, too, an unfair and gross misrepresentation.
You see, my mother and little brother suffer from BPD as well. BPD is not merely difficulty managing intense emotions. People with BPD are often very abusive and display many harmful behaviors in addition to self-harm and suicidal tendencies. My mother has stolen from stores and homes, done melachah on Shabbos when she thought no one was looking, threatened to kill us, and told me that I’m worthless. And this is just a drop in the bucket.
Years ago, I took a class for loved ones of BPD sufferers. My classmates’ stories could have been my own. I learned that people with BPD do not mean to hurt those around them, and that they can be helped with DBT, but that very few people with BPD do this — they often believe they are the only normal ones, and that everyone around them has severe issues. In such cases, there is nothing to do except leave or distance yourself so you do not suffer as well. Unfortunately, this causes more pain and worsens the suicidal tendencies of the BPD sufferer.
I am so sorry for the pain you and others with BPD suffer. It took me many years to accept that my mother’s and brother’s behaviors were not intentional and they didn’t mean the things they said. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t terribly traumatic. I, along with some of my other siblings, have also suffered from self-harm and suicidal tendencies — not due to a chemical imbalance, but due to years of abuse.
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