put aside your preconceptions of what you’re going to hear, and let yourself be surprised
Recently, my adult son told me something shocking. “Do you know why I stayed frum over the years? Because for as long as I can remember, you were always interested in what I had to say.”
Listening. Really listening to another person. Perhaps no other act of bein adam l’chaveiro is so basic, so important, and yet so overlooked. Every day, we converse with family, friends, and colleagues. We hear them, we respond to them, but most of the time we don’t really listen to them. We neglect their human need to be heard, and more important, to be deemed worth listening to.
If you’re interested in what someone has to say, it shows him he’s important in your eyes. That’s a message everyone needs. Giving that message can lift a person up; withholding it can break him.
Listening isn’t just an act of chesed. It’s also a vital tool for building and maintaining relationships. When we listen to others properly, we show them we value them. That builds the connection between us. A person feels distanced from someone who doesn’t bother to give him full attention and interest. Who wants a relationship with someone who’s uninterested in what they have to say?
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