Once again, though, my assumption that this was the worst thing you could ever do to a loved one proved false
For a long time, when I was a caregiver to my mother a”h, and later when I cared for my husband a”h, I held the misconception that placing your loved one in a facility is the worst thing you can do.
Experience, however, taught me otherwise: that in some instances, it might even be the best thing you can do.
For many years, my sister and I were caregivers to our mother, who had a stroke, resulting in paralysis and vascular dementia. After many missteps, we found an excellent aide, and one of us visited almost every day. We felt that our mother was in the best possible situation. She had not only good care, but also companionship and home-cooked meals that we prepared. In good weather, we pushed her wheelchair along Sheepshead Bay or went window-shopping. Grandchildren and great-grandchildren came to visit.
Then the caregiver we trusted and relied upon relocated to Florida, my sister moved a long distance away, I was about to become the grandmother of triplets any day, and my husband was already sick. It was a perfect storm. We had little choice but to place my mother in a facility. Doing this broke my heart. I felt like the worst daughter.
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