How can the eishes chayil encourage her husband to accomplish in a respectful way that is both realistic and strengthens their shalom bayis?
When many of us were young, we thought we could nag our husbands into becoming talmidei chachamim. (This attitude isn’t limited to encouraging Torah learning. Women often want their spouses to be better fathers, husbands, and employees.) After all, the pasuk clearly associates a husband’s accomplishments with his wife.
But this attitude usually ends with the husband feeling disrespected and the wife burned out. Focusing on where we think someone needs to improve often backfires. Whatever trait or habit we judge, what we most want them to change will often grow, as that is where our focus lies — what you mention, you strengthen.
There are several explanations for why the eishes chayil deserves credit. She ensures that her husband’s clothing commands respect (Rashi). She gives her husband the time to devote himself to learning (Malbim). Finally, other talmidei chachamim recognize that the husband’s wisdom reflects her own chochmah. (Rid)
How can the eishes chayil encourage her husband to accomplish in a respectful way that is both realistic and strengthens their shalom bayis?
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