Is your family hopelessly disorganized, or is it just a management mismatch?
“Sweetheart, on your way home from work, can you pick up the medicine from the pharmacy? And can you call the plumber, the sink is still leaking. Also, did you ever speak with Shlomo’s rebbi? I think he needs a tutor, you should discuss it with him…. And oh, the picture in the hallway fell down again. Can you put it on a stronger hook?”
Dad wants to be helpful, but he’s not adept at multitasking nor at multi-listening (did I just coin a term?). If he processed anything from Mom’s rapid-fire requests it was either to make a phone call or to run an errand, but definitely not both. If Mom is smart, she’ll learn the way Dad processes and records information so her requests will be filled.
Mom and Dad should sit down over a cup of coffee. Instead of kvetching about Dad’s forgetfulness, Mom should ask Dad when and how he prefers to hear about her requests. I recommend she divide up her requests into three categories: calls, errands, and tasks.
She may be surprised to find out (even after many years of marriage) that Dad has a different preference for each type of task. During the week, he’s too busy to think about fixing anything, but he’d like a list of jobs clipped to the fridge, and on Sunday he’s happy to check the list and get everything done. He tends to make his phone calls while he’s driving, so any call reminders should be programmed into his phone. If she wants him to run an errand on the way home, the best thing to do is to hand him a list in the morning, or have him call Mom when he’s on the way home.
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