Going through the 12 Steps is the most painful, most difficult, and most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. It’s not a magic fix, it’s a way of life.
I grew up in a big community, a middle child nestled between two older sisters and two younger brothers. I went to the same mainstream Bais Yaakov as my sisters, and my parents figured I’d thrive the same way they had: drama head, straight As, etc.
But that’s not how things panned out. I struggled in school, and my grades were weak. In retrospect, I think my lack of academic success impacted my self-esteem from an early age. There was a lot of physical and emotional abuse that happened as well, which added to my already low self-esteem.
By the end of high school, I was hanging out with the wrong crowd. They were the fun-loving type, and they accepted me with open arms. They also had all sorts of ways of making pain disappear. I started by joining them at clubs and parties, which quickly turned into drinking and getting high. Of course, it was all a big secret. At home I was shomer Shabbos, dressed appropriately and played the part, but I was living a double life.
When I was 20, I took a ski trip with a bunch of friends and had a bad fall. I was prescribed opioid pain killers. It didn’t take long for me to become addicted to the opioids. I wanted to stop, but I had no idea how to wean myself off them. I couldn’t keep food down. My addiction was taking over my life.
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