Very often when a young woman complains that the bochur she’s dating is too nice, what she really means is that she doesn’t find his passive energy attractive
I’m going out with a guy right now and I don’t know how to describe my hesitation other than to say he’s too nice. I know, I know, I should be happy that he’s so nice, and in the middle of the
night when he gets up for the baby I’ll be really grateful, etc. But right now, I’m finding it unattractive. He’s soft-spoken and super easygoing, not caring where we go or what we do.
I’m really torn because this boy has great middos, a sense of humor, and a lot of attributes that I really respect, including his hashkafos. I feel like a brat, but I can’t seem to get past this. Is this enough of a reason to say no?
Not Sure about Mr. Nice
This is actually one of the question I get asked most frequently. Inevitably, when a girl raises this question, I share a story that happened about 35 years ago, which may or may not have been around the time I was dating.
A young woman was dating a very nice young man. She realized that whenever they had dates sitting down she liked him a lot and whenever they spent the date walking she didn’t like him. She realized that she was uncomfortable standing next to him. Disappointed in herself for her shallowness, she turned to her trusted rebbetzin/mentor and asked, “Am I so shallow as to allow something like height to cause me to nix a shidduch?”
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