I feel caught between a rock and a hard place. I want to support my friend, but it can’t be at the expense of my husband. How can I draw healthy boundaries without hurting my friend’s feelings?
For years, I was an older single. I watched my classmates get married one by one, while I seemed stuck in place. One friend remained single, and we stuck together. She was the first one I’d call after a bad date, and when we both had enough of the grind, we’d take mini-vacations together. She was my sister in the storm.
Then, one wonderful day, I met my husband. We clicked right away, and within three months I, too, was sporting a sheitel. I realized how hard my marriage would be for my friend and did all I could to be available to her throughout my engagement. Once I got married, though, things got complicated.
I’ve tried to convey to my friend that even though I’m married, I’d still be there for her. And she seems to think that things should stay exactly the same. She’ll call when we’re smack in middle of supper. If I don’t pick up, or pick up and tell her I’ll call her back soon, she gets insulted. She doesn’t think twice about calling me at 1 a.m. to gripe about an awful date. She wants me to get together with her in the evening — but that’s the only time I get to see my husband. My husband is getting fed up with her neediness and feels like he has to compete for my attention.
I’ve tried to have an open conversation with her, but it went horribly. She told me that we’d always promised that we wouldn’t be one of those married girls who left her friends behind, but apparently I’d forgotten that. My dream came true, and I’m now abandoning her when she needs me most.
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