“The people who grow the most are the ones who are unconditionally accepted the way they are today.”
My shidduch-aged daughter is struggling both spiritually and emotionally. Emotionally, she has trouble resolving conflicts, being honest with people, and speaking calmly in times of stress. If she’s upset at someone she’ll berate them and scream at them until she feels better, and then pretends like nothing happened. Similarly, if she makes a mistake, for instance if she does an aveirah, she’ll pretend it didn’t happen rather than work through the emotions and do a proper charata–vidui–kabbalah teshuvah.
Spiritually, she has made a lot of mistakes regarding basic halachah and standards of a Bais Yaakov girl. (These mistakes started with non-Jewish music and movies, and then progressed to shomer negiah problems and drinking).
In my opinion she shouldn’t be dating at all, at least until she is stronger emotionally and more solid spiritually, but she is 20 years old and her friends are already starting to date and get married. I understand she wouldn’t, couldn’t, marry someone who is in kollel or living an intense Torah life. But how exactly am I suppose to advocate for her at all, when I myself would run away if she were from a different family and suggested for my son?
Your first and main move should be to encourage you daughter to seek help in improving herself spiritually and emotionally. Explain to her that her future happiness and stability depend on this, and delaying her involvement in shidduchim will be to her benefit.
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