I live in Eretz Yisrael. My sister is here for the year in seminary and it is turning out to be a rather challenging experience. From the onset my parents (who are generously supporting our family and making our kollel lifestyle possible) requested that I make my home available as a home-away-from-home for my sister. I was only too happy to oblige and I’m thrilled that I can be the safe haven that I always wished for when I was in seminary. I was so glad to have a sister nearby and happy that my two children have an opportunity to bond with their aunt.
Unfortunately this arrangement has become rather stressful. My sister is very homesick and comes over nearly every night to call home on my DSL line do laundry bake and/or just hang out. She is very helpful when she comes and always calls before but I feel torn between my commitments to my husband my marriage my sister and my parents. I’ve only been married for three years and as we have never lived close to our families my husband is still uncomfortable when my sister is around especially when she is (more often than not) with friends. While I don’t mind having my sister over occasionally and I am sure that my husband would not mind a weekly or twice-weekly visits currently I am feeling burdened resentful and upset.
How can I communicate the issues to everyone involved without insulting or offending the people I love most? I am afraid that if I discuss the situation or try to negotiate a compromise I’ll end up achieving nothing and hurting everyone’s feelings.
Mrs. Dina Schoonmaker is a veteran teacher in Michlalah Jerusalem College and lectures in various other seminaries. She also has a phone service through which she counsels the alumni of Michlalah in matters of shidduchim and marriage.
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