Adults have to take care of themselves before they can take care of anyone else. In fact adults who push themselves excessively — depriving themselves of sleep relaxation and creativity — hurt not only themselves but their loved ones as well. Irritability poor health and frayed nerves are the predictable consequences of an unbalanced life. None of this is pretty.
So we must all endorse self-care. What we can’t endorse however is selfish care.
“I understand that my husband needs to ‘chill’ after a hard week so I don’t begrudge him hanging around with his buddies after shul on Shabbos and enjoying a few drinks. But often he goes to kiddush after kiddush and comes home very late. The kids are starving and kvetchy and I go out of my mind watching them. When he finally shows up he’s already stuffed to the hilt with kugel and cholent and cake — and he’s tipsy on top of it! All he wants to do is go to sleep. If I ‘force’ him to join us at the table for the children’s sake he’s basically dysfunctional. Forget divrei Torah or even normal conversation and of course I can never invite guests. I’m glad he has his downtime but I and the kids are the ones paying for it.”
Me First
There are many ways to care for oneself selfishly.
