Becoming a baalas teshuvah is no ordinary task — it takes large doses of determination, humility, and a lot of siyata d’Shmaya. Along the way, mistakes are made and lessons are learned. Here, several women who made the leap at least a decade ago share their hard-earned wisdom.
On dealing with irreligious relatives…
At first I tried to hide the mitzvos I thought might be uncomfortable for them. After many awkward and frustrating moments I decided to switch course and take a more direct communicative and loving approach: “Yes it seems a bit extreme but it’s what I believe and it doesn’t change the way I feel about you or anyone else in the family.” They got the message and were respectful.
—Tami New York
Don’t preach but also don’t be defensive about your lifestyle choice.
—Debbie Kew Garden Hills
Give maximum amount of information immediately (when first becoming frum). This way you don’t have to be constantly moving the goalpost — doing that just leaves them confused and you constantly confrontational. Also leave out the stuff they don’t have to know (they may not think it’s as beautiful as you do!).
—Rivka Beitar
A big mistake BTs make is to act “holier than thou” around irreligious relatives. Just show love and warmth! In fact irreligious relatives can eventually come to value your lifestyle and how you raise your children. They may even appreciate that you’re raising your children in the similar wholesome way they were probably raised — without the junk and the “anything goes” mentality of our current secular society.
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