While repairing doesn’t undo a rupture, it can rebuild safety and trust in the here and now
F
ollowing our article on the significance of healthy attachment some time ago, we received responses from parents who felt badly that they didn’t understand the importance of being emotionally responsive or creating a safe, secure, and soothing atmosphere in the home.
Some parents parented exactly how they were raised, not knowing any other technique or strategy. It’s difficult to break that cycle, as we often revert to what is familiar and comfortable to us. Some parents used shame and fear as tools to get children to behave, and while initially it may have seemed effective, it didn’t work for too long and almost always exacted a terrible cost.
The good news is that there is always room for repair. While repairing doesn’t undo a rupture, it can rebuild safety and trust in the here and now. Guilt over what was isn’t productive. Children don’t need to have perfect parents; they need to have accountable, emotionally connected, and present parents. It may not be too late to become that person.
(Note: This isn’t for repair after any form of abusive parenting.)
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