Dear Ima

Dear Ima,

I need to start by saying that I feel really fortunate to have you as my mother-in-law. All of the “wacky mother-in-law” jokes never applied to you. You look upon me with admiration; I can do no wrong in your eyes. You are not critical, you have the ultimate lev tov, you are made of the kindest stuff on Earth. You are also one of the greatest baalei chesed I know!

I know because I hear about it everywhere I go. “She’s your mother-in-law?! Wow…. You know, you have the best mother-in-law ever…. She practically saved our family….” And then, they go on to tell me about how you cooked every meal they needed during a crisis, or you housed three of their struggling teens in your tiny apartment, or you took care of their elderly mom or watched their dog or house-sat for them for a month. I nod and smile and say, “Yeah, that sounds just like her!”

But inside…

Inside, I am torn.

Because I know that your chesed comes at an expense.

Let me just say that I’m really not the best daughter-in-law. We went through a time when bringing the little ones over for Shabbos was more of a burden than a help. We have such busy lives that we can’t always drop everything to make the half-hour drive to your place. We don’t call enough, and we don’t come enough, and maybe it’s our fault. But somehow, it feels like we were replaced.