Elul: An End and Beginning

Prepared for print by Faigy Peritzman

I’m inundated with tzedakah requests in Elul, and I truly appreciate the zechus. Is it better for me to give one significant sum to one place or have the merit of giving smaller sums to many beneficiaries?

Theoretically, it’s preferable to give smaller sums to several beneficiaries, as opposed to giving a significant sum to just one or two recipients. There are two explanations for this recommendation: one, it’s more “logical” to help as many people as you can as opposed to just one or two people. Two, from a spiritual perspective, each donation is counted as a separate mitzvah of tzedakah, which means that by giving smaller amounts multiple times (even to the same charity), one earns multiple mitzvos. But practically speaking, it all depends on the situation. If, for instance, the person seeking charity has no other connections or resources and can only count on you for his needs, then it’s preferable to give a large donation to him rather than splitting your donation among multiple people who have other resources.

I know people often take on extra chumros and mitzvos, like only eating pas Yisrael during Aseres Yemei Teshuvah. Where does this come from? Isn’t it hypocritical?

The practice of only eating pas Yisrael during Aseres Yemei Teshuvah is an age-old custom dating back to the days of the Rishonim and codified in Shulchan Aruch. There are several reasons, all interrelated, for this halachah: a) so that we conduct ourselves with an extra measure of purity during these Days of Awe; b) to serve as a reminder of the unique status of these days; c) to beseech Hashem not to judge us stringently, just as we have adopted a practice that isn’t strictly required of us.

A coworker complained about me to my boss, a misrepresentation that resulted in him firing me. Now, she’s coming to ask for forgiveness. She’s obviously not offering to compensate me for the loss of my income. Do I have to forgive her?

You’re not required to forgive her until she compensates you for any financial loss she has caused you, directly or indirectly. But before you make that decision, remember that there are (at least) two sides to every story, and what you may assume to be a misrepresentation may not necessarily be so. The only way to know the truth is by sitting down with her (and preferably with an unbiased third party or rav) and reviewing the entire episode. You may be surprised by what you discover.

Must one ask mechilah from one’s children?

One’s children, single or married, financially supported by you or otherwise, are no different from anyone else. If you unjustifiably caused them pain in a manner that is inconsistent with proper parenting, or if there are financial claims against you that have not been resolved in beis din, then you’re obligated to pacify them and ask for their forgiveness.