"Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky famously advised parents not to rebuke their children for behaviors they’ll naturally outgrow"
I so enjoyed reading Gila Arnold’s “Dream On” and was sorry to see the story end. I’ll miss her characters — particularly ZeeZee, who was always just so much fun.
And I really admired her — to me, she was the hero of the story. ZeeZee was so misunderstood by her parents, siblings, and school, so looked down upon because of her impulsivity, her sense of adventure, her out-of-the-boxness. This could have turned her bitter, turned her off Yiddishkeit. Instead, she kept on fighting to show she really was a great girl, with a heart of gold, and lots of energy to do good.
I was also struck by how much ZeeZee matured over the course of the story — she just needed some time to grow up. So often, we are quick to label our teens as “impulsive” or “impetuous” or worse, and we spend so much time trying to change them, fix them, get them back in the box. But a lot of it is just about maturity, and brain development. Sit tight, and buckle in for the ride. They’ll get older and more mature, and many of these problems will fade.
Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky famously advised parents not to rebuke their children for behaviors they’ll naturally outgrow. That’s easy(ish) to incorporate when they’re five, but so much harder to do at fifteen. At fifteen, even though they look like adults, they’re really, really not. And if you keep trying to fix and change and tweak them, instead of waiting for maturity to kick in, you’re wasting your energy — and straining your relationship.
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