"It hurts so much to never be able to express struggle, pain, or sadness, because I am Miss Perfect"
Family First’s articles cover many of the struggles we face: infertility, illness, addiction, technology, parenting. These articles broaden my perspective and enable me to be a better person. I can support, acknowledge, and help others better now that I have a deeper understanding of the challenges they face.
And then I walk outside to face the world. I’m the woman who intimidates you. I am your neighbor, friend, daughter, babysitter, teacher, and employee. You know, the one who is thin, beautiful, runs multiple successful businesses, whose children are well dressed and happy, who hosts guests, is always ready to cook meals for kimpeturins, and excels at self-care. However, like most people in the world, I have challenges. Most of my nisyonos are private, not because I am ashamed of them, but because of their nature, and because it makes people uncomfortable to know that these nisyonos exist.
I have been placed in this box of perfection and when I attempt to open the door, most people respond by slamming it shut. I’m not bemoaning how I got into this box — but I’m asking that I be allowed to open the door.
When I turn down making supper for a kimpeturin, it stings when you say, “You? I always say, if you want something done, give it to a busy woman! I’m sure you could pull it off.” When I give less than the suggested amount for a gift because therapy is straining my finances, I wish the response would be, “Is everything okay?” instead of, “Seriously, you just don’t appreciate the teachers enough.” When a tear slips out of my eye at the bus stop, I cringe when I hear, “The Eibeshter is good. Think good and it’ll be good!”
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