"Instead of coddling our young adults, why don’t we let them grow up, take responsibility for their feelings, and let them come to the realization that their happiness and contentment depend on themselves?"
I read the response to the “When Ma Disappeared” story with mixed feelings. The letter writer talked about being “shocked” by hearing the perspective of a child whose mother suffers from an eating disorder. She then went on to offer several paragraphs instructing readers about the proper way to relate to people suffering from these disorders. I don’t disagree with her assessment. I do think she might be missing the point.
This story was about the experience that a child in this situation undergoes. Are the children and families not entitled to their perspective as well?
When a victim of illness — any illness — is a parent, then their sickness is not only about themselves, but also about the complex constellation of people who rely on them for a functional upbringing. Of course everyone needs to have sensitivity, understanding, and patience for the suffering mother. Of course we have to understand and forgive that there are times that she can’t be there for her kids.
But this letter writer seems to completely ignore the fact that this woman has a commitment to her children, and she is letting them down. Obviously this is not of her own volition, and obviously we don’t blame her, and obviously this only compounds her pain — but we cannot deny or ignore that the child’s experience is of a mother who is not present or functional.
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