“It’s important to understand that grief is multifaceted, and not ‘one size fits all’”
The article “Guilt, Grief, and Relief” touches on a topic that very few of us ever want to face, let alone revisit. But it’s important to understand that grief is multifaceted, and not “one size fits all.”
Dr. Norman Blumenthal said it well when he wrote, “There are losses that invoke a paradoxical mix of pain and relief.” Apart from sudden loss (as I experienced when my father suffered a massive, fatal heart attack), I suspect many of us (and I count myself among this group) do experience a sense of relief when our loved one passes away; but not for ourselves.
My “relief,” for want of a better word, was for my mother, who was a shadow of the brilliant, feisty, vibrant, and independent woman who raised us. Her biggest fear and pain wasn’t the physical; rather, it was her awareness of the impending loss of her dignity and independence that was destroying her psyche.
When she passed away, I felt relief that her suffering was over. My grief took on an added aspect: selfishness. I would never be able to phone or visit my beloved mother, never again would I feed her or help her bentsh licht or go through old photos with her. My pain was mine; my relief was hers.
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