“One of the hardest things to do is watch someone you love endure pain, especially if the person is your child”
When I read this piece by a woman with a son off the derech, I couldn’t believe how the author was describing my feelings and experience. There are many levels to the pain a parent feels when a child decides to stop being religiously observant. One of these, which isn’t often addressed, is the feeling of alienation from frum society, that I “don’t belong,” nor do I really want to, having been “irrevocably altered by the experience.”
Thank you to the writer for giving me the emotional “permission” to mourn. My sadness can be triggered in various situations, such as when I see boys walking to shul with their fathers on Shabbos, or when one of my son’s friends gets married, or becomes a father.
One thought that gives me comfort is something I read (in these pages): that we, as parents of kids who have stopped being religious, are going through our own tailor-made journey, just as our children are on their own journey.
I’m not sure how to end this, because the end hasn’t yet happened. Both my husband and myself straddle the line between acceptance and love for my son, describing him as “at this point not observant.”
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