This may not be comfortable content to consider, but it should be out there
It’s not often that I have the opportunity to read an article that so eloquently gives voice to a population that clearly needed to be heard. This contribution verges on the historic and hopefully will be the impetus for change within our communities.
If the writer hasn’t yet started to consider a follow-up article, I strongly encourage her to do so. With respect, I would suggest adding two points. Perhaps she could give a stronger message of compassion and understanding for those who genuinely wish to help, but who are clueless or afraid to make a mistake. The writer indeed offers sound suggestions, but as she notes, every widow is different. And as experienced and sensitive as many professionals may be, we well know that we still occasionally miss the mark with our clinical interventions.
Additionally, and this I write as a therapist, there are widows who need permission to acknowledge and express their rage. First, rage and confusion at Heaven for placing them in a position to feel all the unbearable emotions and added daily challenges that the writer describes in her piece. Beyond this, however, rage at their husbands — for abandoning them, for leaving them to suffer and cope alone, for forcing them to give up, at least for the present, the full range of emotional and physical intimacy. This may not be comfortable content to consider, but it should be out there.
David S. Ribner, DSW
Bar Ilan University
Ahuva Roth, thank you for seeing us and giving us a voice, the widows whose children have already flown the coop. Yes, every kind gesture — a call; suggesting to go out somewhere; drinking a cup of coffee together; an offer of a ride to a simchah — is a dose of encouragement that can change my day. We just want to feel “normal” like our neighbors, and your reaching out to us can help make that happen.
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