“Why are we so afraid to set boundaries with our boys and encourage them to think of others?”
Thank you, Rikki Schultz, for your humorous and well-written take on mothering bochurim during bein hazmanim and your dilemma over whether or not you should have insisted your boys make do with grilled chicken when you ran out of burgers. Although I definitely relate to some of it, I’d like to suggest that what is really bothering you isn’t the lost value of making do, but the false notion that our bochurim should be treated as guests in our homes, to be indulged during their bein hazmanim stay.
Of course, we all want our children to enjoy their vacations and feel recharged when they head back to a structured learning environment, but I really wonder if you’d have the same guilty, waffling reaction if your teenage daughters had a similar desire for an alternative supper. Why are we so afraid to set boundaries with our boys and encourage them to think of others?
Let’s honor our bochurim by gifting them the dignity of being members of the family, with all the responsibilities, sensitivity to others, and character building it encompasses. These are traits that will serve them well when they eventually fly the coop and raise their own broods.
Rivkie S.
It sounds as if this piece, written by a mother fiercely rallying against being pitied for having a son off the derech, was written for me, using my thoughts and feelings. Other than certain details that are different, my children were certain that I wrote it.
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