“When people violate our boundaries even if we don’t realize what’s happening, our emotions are likely to let us know something’s wrong”
Your article about toxic workplaces brought back some unpleasant memories. Many years ago, I was hired as a PA to the executive director of a frum, well-known organization on the basis of my writing skills, as well as my organizational and PA experience in the not-for-profit sector. My references were impeccable.
I was thrown in at deep end, as the previous PA had left quite suddenly, having got married/moved away/retired… I never did find out. There was no training at all, and the work didn’t just entail creating letters and documents and managing his diary, but also involved complicated customized computer and accounting systems, something I wasn’t told about when I applied.
From Day One I was treated badly. I was expected to figure out the computer system by myself; if I asked for help, I received sarcasm and belittlement. I ended up secretly calling the IT expert for him to talk me through it, but he was miles away in another office and could only do so much. When the whole system crashed due to some fault in the actual program, my employer blamed me (until the IT man called him and explained it had nothing to do with me). I needed to be shown exactly what to do, but the contempt and criticism continued, despite my pleas for proper training.
My boss kept calling me “Miriam” — my name is “Etty.” “Miriam” was his former PA. In the end I told him to call me “Mrs. Cohen.” He didn’t. I was always “Miriam.”
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