“Chinuch does have to be personalized al pi darko”
I want to respond to the Words Unspoken written by a student challenging her principal for being more flexible with at-risk students. This issue of only giving kids the leeway they need when they start exhibiting signs of rebellion isn’t limited to school. I grew up in a home with some older siblings who were struggling on their own paths of Yiddishkeit. As part of my parents’ approach toward this, a lot was allowed in our house that wouldn’t have otherwise been, but only for those that had successfully reached “OTD.” I recall venting to a friend when I was in eighth grade saying, “Do I have to go off the derech, too, to be taken seriously?”
As an adult now, I know I can’t judge my parents for how they handled their incredible nisayon. We’re all now back on our derech, with a lot of help from Hashem. But your letter rang true for me. I wish there were an easy solution, but I’m afraid not. Chinuch does have to be personalized al pi darko. So yes, uniform and attendance rules should be enforced in school, and children should be expected to do their chores and be respectful at home. However, some children will need modifications, which is very hard for the “normal” children to watch without feeling jealous.
Anonymous
With respect, to the letter writer “Frum Student,” your letter rings true. I feel your pain.
I’m a parent with a house full of children. As a parent, I’m a teacher 24/7, not just the 40 or so school hours a week. My children not only vary in age, but also in looks, taste, feelings, and attitude. My children aren’t all the model students the schools expect. For years I’ve been screaming to anyone who would listen, asking for teachers or rebbeim to display some emotional caring to children — not just mine, but all children, for every child is a whole world. Every child deserves a chance, a wholesome upbringing, a feeling that somebody sees me, somebody understands me, is there for me. If this would happen, troubled children would most likely be closer to the school’s ideal student.
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