“Mothers of children with allergies never get a break, even when they’re sick in bed”
Regarding using a dating coach, I’m writing from a place of hindsight. My family is chassidish, and my children meet their spouses through a beshow. One of my daughters was okay after her first meeting, and confused after the second. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to meet again, but also, if she was ready to opt out. She was very torn on how to proceed.
Wanting to “help” her through her indecisiveness, I offered for her to meet a dating coach that could help her take “it” apart and come to a decision. She ended up meeting again and getting engaged. They divorced.
Of course we went back, taking everything apart from the first phone call, to try and see where things went wrong. My daughter, who is very intuitive, feels very strongly that the dating coach was where we went wrong. Making a decision on a shidduch isn’t all emotional, all chemistry, or all cerebral. It’s all of your sechel and senses coming together, and if something doesn’t feel right in your gut… then most of the time, it’s not right for you. The dating coach helped her break apart from her senses and intuition and judge the shidduch in a cerebral manner. In that way, the checks lined up….
It’s not a shidduch if it looks good on paper. I’m not here to bash dating coaches. I think it is very important for young ladies and bochurim entering shidduchim to go to a dating coach, to help them get polished and ready for the shidduch process in a healthy way. But once a shidduch is in progress, you must rely on your own intuition and emotional intelligence, and daven to Hashem for guidance.
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