Four steps couples can take to free themselves from the argument cycle
Have you and your spouse been having a particular argument for years? Do you find yourself getting upset at the same things over and over? There’s a way out — four straightforward steps that can break the negative cycle and jumpstart real change
“My parents have been married for over 30 years and they’re still fighting about the same things! I can tell you how an argument is going to start, how it will play out, and how it’s going to end. If I can do that, then why can’t they see it coming? Why can’t they just stop already?
This 22-year-old, who isn’t yet married, is truly baffled. But one day, she may find herself in her parents’ predicament. Although it’s easy for others to see how husbands and wives get “hooked” by each other, the spouses themselves are too deeply immersed in their own emotional cellars to be able to have cognitive clarity. They can’t see what’s going on, because they’re too busy feeling it.
When two people build a life together, they can choose from an infinite menu of differences to debate. Why is it so difficult for people to make their way through a topic to a happy resolution? Why do couples get stuck in an endless circle of unresolved, repetitive, and painful conversations?
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