It can be sink or swim in the sea of love
Love is a fragile thing. It has to be built, nurtured, maintained, and protected, or it can disappear. Even “mother love” — that instinctive attachment to one’s child — is not shatterproof. When a child is abusive enough to her parent, the parent naturally, understandably, and sadly, stops liking her. That’s bad for both parent and child. And that’s why it’s so important to do everything possible to prevent a deterioration of affection.
“My 11-year-old has a very difficult nature. When she doesn’t like something, she says so, without regard for anyone’s feelings. I can work for hours to prepare a delicious meal for my family, and she’ll poke her fork at it and ask in a threatening tone if I’ve fried the vegetables (‘….because you know I HATE fried vegetables and they cause cancer!’). She does this even though she knows I never fry anything and that I’m the one who told her how unhealthy fried food is in the first place.
“After eyeing the food suspiciously and finally taking a teensy taste, she’ll spit it out (whether we have guests or not) and scream that it’s disgusting. She’ll go on to accuse me of making food that I know she hates, that I only cook for the other people in the family and that she wishes she lived somewhere else. When she does this sort of thing I tell her how much she’s hurting my feelings. She seems to be indifferent to my pain; she just continues behaving this way.”
This woman’s child clearly has some problems. Is she emotionally disturbed due to trauma? Does she suffer from an impulse disorder, a mood disorder, or a personality disorder? Is it just a behavioral problem? Only a professional assessment will reveal the root problem and point to the appropriate interventions. Meanwhile, her family has to live with her, and they must find a way to forge a respectful, caring relationship.
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