You see, I worry. I worry that I ask too much of you or that you’’re pushed to play a role you aren’’t always ready to play
From Guilt to Gift
Guilt may be one of the most dominate emotions I experience as a mother. Something tells me I’m not alone in this. Guilt holds much more power over me than I ever allow triumph — and sometimes even love — to hold.
I know there are times I permit guilt to dictate my actions so I can relieve myself of pain or regret instead of figuring out what’s best for my child in a specific moment. In fact, I’m certain that guilt spurs an anxiety that causes me to continue the very pattern I’m lamenting.
I’ve been wanting to meet guilt face-to-face for a while now, to find a way to welcome it instead of trying desperately to defeat it. I want to somehow transform it into a tool for growth. And I’ve realized the only place to start is where we must always start as Jews: remembering that Hashem is in charge.
Whatever experiences my children are given are tailor-made for them — including being raised by their flawed, human mother. And while I always have the responsibility to work on myself and improve, Hashem knew my shortcomings better than anyone when He blessed me with my children. And still, He placed me at the center of their lives, imperfections and all.
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