Has-Been Mama?

“And Yaakov lived in the land of Mitzrayim 17 years….” (Bereishis 47:28)

The Midrash derives from the wording here that Yaakov lived out his final years enjoying the nachas of watching his burgeoning family’s growth.

After a lifetime beset with challenges and vicissitudes, Yaakov was surely deserving of such pleasure. Yet we know what the Midrash says happened after the abduction of Dinah and the debacle of Shechem. Yaakov sought to dwell in tranquility, and Hashem immediately brought upon him the test of Yosef. Rashi explains that the righteous shouldn’t request tranquility in This World.

Surely, though, Yaakov wasn’t seeking peaceful pampering. He yearned for tranquility so he could devote himself completely to avodas Hashem. What’s wrong with that noble desire?

Furthermore, apparently Yaakov did enjoy a period of blissful tranquility now at the end of his life. What changed? (Rabbi Doniel Staum, Stam Torah)

It’s the best of times, it’s the worst of times.

It’s the culmination of decades of dreams, of whispered tefillos and silent tears. It’s the apex of nachas.

But it also means loneliness. You walk past dark bedrooms, finally emptied of the clutter that irked you for so long, and are surprised at the pang you feel. You’ve labored so long, invested so much, only  to be left behind as your children take off for new vistas.

When my girls got married, I was caught between these two extremes. I felt tremendous gratitude toward Hashem for having merited such a zechus, but an aching void as my best friends for the last 20 years flew off to their bright futures.