Something happened. We need my in-laws, we need them. Goodness knows my parents won’t be of any help when it comes to a crisis
Some days I feel like I’m building a house of cards. I align everything so exactly, so perfectly. All 52 cards, they lean and balance and hold each other up like some genius feat of architecture. It’s so breathtaking I can’t even breathe. I can’t breathe in case I ruin it all.
Ezzy is sleeping. He’s so beautiful when he sleeps.
I step back, away from the bed with its padded head board, away from the weighted blanket and the cushioned walls and the floor full of sensory toys worth thousands of dollars, all fair game for destruction in the throes of a meltdown. The walls are shaking. Are they shaking, or is it my hands?
My legs. My heart.
I go to make myself a coffee. It’s so late, but I still need to catch a Maariv. My hands are shaking and the hot water spills on the counter. Coffee, sugar. Everything’s unsteady. Am I tired? I’m not tired, I’m exhausted. Ezzy was up at five.
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