How Can I Become a More Present Wife and Mother?

Hi,

I’m a young mother and I find myself feeling guilty a lot. I know that these years are precious and I’ll wish for one more cuddle with my kids when they’re all grown up, but right now I’m constantly in a state of doing rather than just being. I’m wondering if you would be able to give me some guidance and tips on how to become a more present wife and mother and how not to feel guilty when I don’t have the patience or time to just play with my children (preferring instead to take care of things on my to-do list or talk to my friends).

Your problem is a common one, applying to so many of us in this day and age. In fact, of late we have been referred to as “human doings” instead of “human beings” because it seems that we just can’t stop doing something.

Our activity is compulsive whether it is worthwhile or worthless — we have a need to always produce something, finish something, engage with someone or something, keep up with something. The subject is nicely addressed in a small recent publication: The Joy of Doing Nothing by Rachel Jonat. The phrase “doing nothing” refers to a mindset than to an activity; it is the freedom to just be present for a while without striving or accomplishing. It includes the ability to just sit with a child, stroking her hair or reading her a story, putting aside the have-to list and the to-do list, immersing fully in the moment — inhaling it, tasting it, enjoying it, savoring it.

It turns out that giving ourselves time to really experience our activity or inactivity is extremely beneficial for our spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Because you want to know how to do it rather than why to do it, I won’t describe those benefits in detail here; you can discover them yourself once you start adding still-time to your life.