M y son recently met a wonderful girl. He likes her and she seems to like him. So what’s the problem? That’s what I’d like to know. They dated to get to know each other. Then to know each other better. Then to see each other in a different setting. And they’re still dating neither one expressing interest in getting engaged yet. When I press him my son says that there’s still so much he doesn’t know about her; he doesn’t feel comfortable proposing now. I’d never want to pressure my son when making this critical decision but I’m also not comfortable with this much dating. What’s my role here?
Impatient
Dear Impatient
Young adults today are scared. And for good reason.
They’re dating in a completely different context than their parents did 25 years ago. Back then divorce and broken engagements were extremely rare. Today they’re very much the backdrop of our teens’ social world.
Much ink has been spilled over why that’s so. My personal opinion is that people stay relatively constant over time. What changes are the social constructs and mores that flow and constrict providing the parameters of choices available. There was always a percentage of couples with significant marital issues but you married for life. Marriage was a commitment. Period. As young couples my cohorts were advised not to even utter the “d-word ” because saying it introduced it into the realm of possibility and that was unacceptable.
