MYnine-year-old daughter struggles academically. She’s receiving help out of the classroom, and she’s making great progress. Her twin sister and older sister who attend the same school are embarrassed by the fact their sister receives tutoring. They tease her about it, and she gets upset and does things to bother them. This goes on all the time. I’ve tried to explain to the “teasers” that academic performance is up to Hashem, and if they don’t need tutoring that’s because Hashem decided they would have different challenges — and that everybody has challenges. It hasn’t helped. I see my nine-year-old’s confidence is affected by all the teasing, and it breaks my heart. How do I fix this?

AS a parent you naturally want all your kids to get along, love each other, and take care of each other. And one day, they might. On the other hand, they might not; not all siblings get along well.

Either way, you can model good relationship skills, teach the value of cooperation, and instill the importance of supportive sibling relationships. That’s it really. You can’t make siblings like each other.

However, you can enforce respectful behavior at home. Whether they “get it” or not, you can insist that your children refrain from bullying, mockery, dismissing, and harassing each other. You can use all of your educational strategies to make your point and gain compliance: Show and tell them how to communicate with each other, offer them praise when they behave appropriately, and use negative consequences as necessary for engaging in hurtful or disrespectful behaviors.

I know you want your kids to be more compassionate toward their sister. You’ve already explained their sister’s challenges and her need for their approval, but this strategy hasn’t changed their feelings or their behavior. Your goal isn’t to make your kids like their sibling more or appreciate her learning challenges. What’s important right now is that they change their behavior, the way they’re treating her; they can work out their animosity with her at a later date. Or not.

Similarly, it’s important for the nine-year-old to change her behavior, since she’s no innocent victim. Again, use teaching, modeling, rewarding, and, when necessary, disciplining, to get her to interact with them positively rather than through teasing.