My daughter is a great all-around kid just back from seminary and going for a speech therapy degree. She’s not interested in starting to date saying she’d like to get a bit ahead in her schooling and she doesn’t “feel ready.” I remember feeling the same at that age but I’m wondering in today’s shidduch climate do we have that option of leisure time if that means turning twenty without even listening to shidduchim at all? What’s your opinion?
Not Ready
Dear Not Ready
Honestly I wish there was a freezer for girls as well as boys. Coming back from seminary is so overwhelming. You’re expected to know what you want to do when you grow up how you want to do it and preferably already be enrolled in a program or have a job lined up by the time September rolls around.
All this coincides with acclimating to living back at home adjusting from a self-focused year with almost no one to answer to to suddenly being back under your parents’ roof. Everyone expects you to hold on to the spirituality and growth you attained in Eretz Yisrael while simultaneously “living in the real world.” If you go to college or get a job that too brings on a slew of new situations that require acclimation.
For some girls throwing the whole dating thing into the mix is just too much. They may be inspired by what they’ve picked up in seminary but are unsure how it fits their own lives. They may need to make one adjustment at a time. Some girls — sounds like your daughter may be one of them — want to give their all to whatever they do and don’t feel ready to attack everything at once.
