“I’m Embarrassed by My Husband”

I’m often embarrassed by the things my husband does. When we have guests, I feel I need to tell him not to be so loud, to stop making silly jokes, or to stop talking about boring subjects. He’s like a socially awkward kid who needs constant guidance. He really doesn’t like it when I tell him how to behave in public, and he tells me he feels I don’t accept who he is. But he’s so embarrassing! What can I do about this?

 

A lot of women are embarrassed by their husband’s behavior. They are, after all, grown-up “girls.” Girls are more likely to be compliant with social “rules,” etiquette, and the general “proper” behavior. They are, as a group, less likely to talk with their mouths full of food, burp at the table, insult people to their faces, attack them physically, or do the myriad of other impolite things that boys tend to do.

Girls tend to be very conscious of social behaviors and social cues, body language, and interpersonal communication — a skill set they use extensively in mothering. Boys are different. The analysis of the minutiae of daily social interaction isn’t usually their routine priority.

Looking Good

“I’m always uncomfortable with my husband when we’re in a public setting. I know that people don’t respect him. He comes across in such an arrogant manner. I’ve asked him to tone it down, to stop talking about himself and everything he’s doing, but when I do that, he gets really upset. He tells me I should stop trying to control him.”

Spouses tend to feel that their partners are an extension and reflection of them. He’s making her look bad — or at least, this is how she feels. Embarrassment is a truly uncomfortable feeling, and it’s natural that a woman would want to prevent it from occurring by “training” her spouse to behave in the manner she deems acceptable. The problem is, of course, that 1) husbands don’t want to be changed and 2) they don’t need to be.