Let me be clear. Aniim are not raising communal standards. Tzedakah funds are reacting to the increased expectations set by others.
I’d like to touch on Rabbi Greenwald’s response to the mother wondering what to tell shadchanim about her daughter who wants to be a stay-at-home mother rather than marry a long-term learner. While the yeshivah world has done an excellent job of imbuing kids with the significance of the man’s role in this world, I feel we haven’t done enough to acknowledge the importance of the woman’s role.
A woman who recognizes the value she gives her children in the formative years of their lives is quite a special woman, not to mention how fortunate her entire family is to have a present, loving mother available to them. What a lucky future husband and children your daughter will have. I felt the response didn’t touch on this at all: validating and applauding your daughter’s desire to stay at home and raise her children.
As for the practical matter of what to tell shadchanim, I agree with your family and friends that she should be saying she wants a short-term learner. She can work and save up money until a baby comes im yirzeh Hashem, and then work from home part-time while her husband learns a little longer before finding suitable employment. A high-caliber girl like your daughter deserves a high-caliber boy, and most of them do start off learning.
Name Withheld
In reference to your tribute to the Biala Rebbe, I just wanted to mention that the Rebbe remarried after his first wife’s petirah. His second wife, tibadel l’chayim, was Rebbetzin Rivka, the almanah of the unforgettable Reb Moshe Dovid Steinwurzel. Until illness made it no longer possible, she served as a loyal helpmate to her husband both in Lugano and Eretz Yisrael. She deserves not to be forgotten.
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