"Life is not about getting the best, it’s about getting what’s best for our children"
I have several married daughters, and all of my sons-in-law are still in kollel, so I can certainly appreciate the bochur who got inspired by his rebbi to focus more on ruchniyus and less on gashmiyus. However, I feel that his rebbi’s relative youth and inexperience caused him to not use the best judgment when suggesting a potential shidduch for this bochur. He should have realized that this girl would not appeal at all to the parents and would just make it more difficult to accomplish his real goal — getting the parents to agree to a shidduch with a long-term kollel arrangement.
The bochur needs a girl who is idealistic in her appreciation of limud haTorah, is not very high maintenance in her gashmiyus needs, and has excellent middos — yet comes from a similar background. This will make it much easier for his parents to accept the change. There are many such girls who graduate from Bais Yaakov schools every year, all from families which his parents would be more comfortable with.
Truthfully, the parents’ experience and love for their son are also to be valued. Marriage has many adjustments, and if a couple moves to Eretz Yisrael there are even more adjustments. If the couple come from similar backgrounds, they are more likely to have similar expectations. It will also be more comfortable for him when he spends Shabbos and Yom Tov at their homes.
Additionally, the rebbi also mentioned in the initial conversation that the boy’s parents would need to provide all the support. Regardless of the fairness or unfairness of the current system, since this is not the typical arrangement, the rebbi should have realized that this would make the suggestion even less appealing to these parents.
Create a free account to keep reading.
