“Maybe it’s time to rethink how we do this whole mechilah thing— no pain, no gain!”
A number of years ago, I was touched when I received an eloquently worded email from a friend, asking for mechilah before Yom Kippur. No matter that I could tell right away it had been sent as a mass message — the concept was new to me, and I was inspired that she took this mission seriously, utilizing technology to accomplish a task so enormously beyond our reach.
Today it’s a different story. Requests come in left and right: “Please be mochel me if I did anything, kesivah v’chasimah tovah.” Is that an apology? Sending out a broadcast generic message to cover your bases? And what if my answer is, “No, not yet” or, “I need to think about it before I can say yes with a full heart”? That would be socially off.
Apologies are painful. With our super-sized egos and deflated confidence levels, an apology that doesn’t hurt probably is not authentic. We have a “minhag” in our home — every Erev Shabbos before my husband leaves to shul, we ask each other mechilah. Some weeks it’s easier and others it’s harder — both the asking and the forgiving! And that’s how we know it’s real.
When I read this week’s Kichels, I laughed along at seeing the “fauxpologies” — and we all know that in every joke, there is a kichel of truth. Maybe it’s time to rethink how we do this whole mechilah thing — no pain, no gain!
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