“Is He Frugal or Stingy?”

I’m about to go out on my sixth date, and everything is going really well. I have one concern, which I’m not even sure is a real concern. The bochur I’m dating is very careful with money, and I can’t tell if he’s frugal, stingy, or acting on principles. On our last date, for example, we sat outside in a park, and he brought along two Snapples. We each finished about half of our bottle and the rest got kind of warm as we were schmoozing. When we got up to leave, I was about to throw mine into a nearby garbage can when he said, “Oh, don’t throw that out. What a waste of good Snapple.” He said it kind of playfully, so I wasn’t sure if he was kidding, but he didn’t buy anything else to drink despite the heat. When I think about it, all our dates have been low- budget, and he parked in a deck two blocks away from the hotel to save $20 on parking.

On the one hand, I am planning to marry a learning boy and I’m prepared to cut costs to make a kollel budget work. On the other hand, I’m scared that he might actually be stingy, and if this is what he’s doing during dating, when you’re supposed to be at your best, what will he be like once he’s married? And to be honest, this is really making me question if I even know what it means to be frugal.

I like everything else about him. He’s smart, funny, serious about his Yiddishkeit, easy to get along with, an overall good guy. So I guess my question is twofold: 1) Is this considered stingy? 2) If so, is it a deal-breaker?

Confused

Dear Confused,

I have many thoughts on this question, but before I present them, I am going to make a radical suggestion.