“Is This Normal Preteen-Teen Behavior?”

Q

My ten-year-old daughter seems to be in a constant terrible mood. Every little thing sets her off these days, and she’ll stomp around angrily and speak aggressively to everyone around her (besides her friends, to whom she is still the delight she used to be). I guess this is normal preteen-teen behavior, but do I tolerate it? Ignore it? Call it out? My younger kids are watching, and I’m worried that they’re considering her anger and outbursts to be acceptable and normal.

A

Please forgive me if I disagree with the statement “normal preteen-teen behavior.” “Every little thing setting a little girl off” could be describing an emotionally dysregulated child.

Before we can think of “calling her out,” you need to find out if there is something else going on. I do not know if you’re living in the US or Eretz Yisrael. Either way, many things could be going on around her.

Is she hearing sirens? Does she hear the news? Is she afraid of wars? Any relatives in physical or spiritual danger? Is she having difficulty with a teacher or friend? Is she experiencing conflict or tension between her parents?

There is usually an explanation for this kind of dysregulation. You want to sit with her and lovingly try to discuss the situation. Maybe she can help you understand why she seems to be in so much pain or confusion, as expressed by her recent behavior. If you can help her get in touch with what is going on inside her, you may identify something that can be easily resolved or that requires more serious intervention.