Rabbi Greenwald's column in Issue 1011, advising a mother with a daughter in shidduchim to clarify whether she wants a husband who learns or one who works, generated significant reader feedback. Two letters are presented here, along with Rabbi Greenwald's response.
Baruch Hashem, I am a married 33-year-old father of several children. I believe that I am a yerei Shamayim, I prioritize my learning… and I am also a physician. Gasp!
Twelve years ago, at age 21, my wife was looking for a working young man. (The column kept referring to “boys” and “girls,” which I believe needs to stop. If your kids are old enough to get married, they are now called “men” and “women.”) She was redt to me, and the rest is history.
I am thankful to Hashem and my parents for the high school and yeshivah they sent me to. I never got the impression from my rebbeim that working was a concession to learning. There were two options presented to me. Learning full time was one path, and being a frum, working baal habayis was another path. I believe those are the only two valid options for anyone, no matter where you fall on the spectrum of frumkeit, or what “lifestyle” you want. As the column states, a man has a chiyuv to learn every single day. Period.
The column stated that there are “two kinds of boys and girls that can sustain a life of Torah learning,” the first being “those who are infused with a love and dedication for learning.” There are many young families who fit that description, my own included. The column implies that only those fully immersed in the beis medrash day and night have a true love and dedication to learning.
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