It’s Okay Not to Be Okay

I should qualify. I’m okay in the sense that I’m alive, and relatively speaking, I’m well. I know that many people died, were on ventilators, lost loved ones, or are dealing with other serious long-term Covid ramifications. So yes, in that sense I’m fine, (more than fine!) and I’m grateful. But zooming back in to my personal experience, no, I can’t say I’m okay yet.

I still don’t feel ready to resume my regular activities. I’m weak, I have a deep cough that won’t go away, and my lungs feel heavy. I tried to start my exercise routine again, which I rely on for my mental health, but I’m unable to.

Events exhaust me. Small talk is labor intensive. Every night after dinner I fight a strong urge to head straight to bed. But I’m supposed to be better already, aren’t I?

I missed a work event during that week at home that mattered a lot to me. I tried to “look at the bright side” and be grateful, but it hurt. I’d been working toward this event every day for months, and it wasn’t something I could make up the following week — or ever.