Recovery is the road no one wants to travel— and the same one they say they’d never trade
I’m currently 23 years old and ready to start dating. When I was about 16, I had a very rough year in yeshivah and I began drinking. The details aren’t important, but basically by the time I was 18, I was a full-blown addict. My parents were brave and wise enough to recognize the problem and they sent me to a rehab facility where I began the process of recovery. I continue to see my therapist and attend meetings regularly. Although I did have some minor relapses, baruch Hashem, I’ve been sober for three years and, I’m actually studying for a degree in social work.
My question is this: How much of my story do I share and when? Does it make sense to tell shadchanim from the beginning so as to weed out people who wouldn’t consider me? And if I am fortunate enough to find someone who accepts me and my situation, how much should I share at that point? I’m so grateful to have my recovery tools, but honestly, it’s still really scary. Thank you so much.
Sober and Scared
Before we even get to your question, let me congratulate you on your three years of sobriety and on your quest for an emotionally healthy and spiritually rich life. Recovery is the road no one wants to travel — and the same one they say they’d never trade. My guess is that you’ve amassed tools for healthy living and a level of self-awareness that some people never obtain in a lifetime.
Let’s start with a disclaimer: Your question deserves an in-person conversation. Every situation has so many variables and the stakes are so high that it’s impossible to do justice to your question in this format, and I invite you to contact me directly. However, I will answer in general terms to invite awareness around this topic and hopefully my general response will be helpful on some level. Anyone in this situation should seek a rav who specializes in this field, as well as a 12-step sponsor who understand the dynamics and nuances of our community, and receive specific guidance for their individual circumstance.
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