My sister is ruining her children’s shidduchim — what can I do? 

I’m not sure this is even an appropriate question, because maybe it’s none of my business, but this situation is killing me. I’m watching my sister destroy her children’s shidduchim prospects.

I was at her house recently and I heard her describe what her daughter is looking for as “a leibedig, fun-loving person with lots of personality.” Her daughter is not looking for that. Yes, my niece has a great personality, but she’s confided in me several times that her mother doesn’t seem to get who she is and what she’s looking for.

My sister did the same thing with her son. She told the shadchan that he needs a put-together girl with a lot of class and presence. I’ve been involved in my nephew’s shidduchim and the two girls he actually liked weren’t like that at all. They were both very sweet and somewhat unsophisticated, certainly not the “projecting presence” type.

I know these qualities are important to my sister, but she’s not the one marrying these people — her children are. My fear is twofold: one, that she’s so off the mark that she’s doing her children a real disservice, and, two, that she’s alienating them in the process.