My Baby on the Bus 

I’m also a cliché. I mean, how typical? Baby + bus = midlife crisis.  Except I’ve always been matter of fact about things most people get teary over. I’m the, “Such is life, milestones are what we want to happen” sort. Plus, I did not experience any of this with my older kids. It was either pure excitement (my oldest), or I was so overwhelmed it barely registered (everyone else).  So I’m completely thrown off by the intensity of my feelings.

On one hand, my baby is big! That makes me feel old. But I also feel — dare I say it — invigorated.  I have the day to myself! I can organize my house, prepare gourmet suppers, even work overtime if I choose. I can volunteer, develop a talent, spend more time with my husband (indulge me, please).

I am so grateful to never change another diaper. Yet so sad to not have a baby to snuggle, cuddle, or rub noses with.

It’s liberating not to have a little someone need me for every single thing. My baby can pour himself cereal. Even milk. He can entertain himself. On a good day, he lets me doze on the couch. But not being needed also makes me feel… well, unneeded. Unnecessary. Which makes me feel… uneasy.