You shouldn’t follow the “don’t go to sleep angry at your spouse” rule
During conflict, a fire is lit between two nice people. Perhaps it was due to a misunderstanding. Perhaps one party felt diminished or neglected. Maybe it was due to a carelessly spoken word or to an unfounded accusation. Maybe it was because of a “look” or a tone of voice. Whatever it was, both parties are now upset.
When the “fight” begins, one or both of them are overtaken by the fight-or-flight response. When this happens, adrenaline may lead to speaking way too loudly (fight) or to a sullen shutdown (freeze). There may be crying (flight); someone may hurl ultimatums (fight); someone may threaten divorce (flight) or leaving for the night (flight). There’s endless futile repetition, demands for change and demands for apologies, increasing hysteria, deeply wounding remarks, and all the other hurtful cuts to the heart.
Someone somewhere made up a rule: “Never go to sleep angry.” Many people have lived by that rule, believing that if they could only resolve their issue before falling asleep, they would live happily ever after.
In reality, couples who stay up late to work out their issues usually end up tired and resentful. As fatigue sets in and their nerves are frayed, the husband and wife have less and less impulse control, along with more and more stress and anxiety. The fight feels like a battle for personal survival.
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