My Family vs. Another Essential Need  

We live in a small out-of-town city where every member of the community makes a difference. When we first moved here, I loved the opportunity to get involved and volunteered for the chevra kaddisha and made meals for families in crisis. Over the years, I’ve become the head of the women’s chevra kaddisha, as well as the coordinator of Meals on Wheels. I feel tremendous satisfaction knowing I’m filling a niche in the community, utilizing my talents and organizational drive to help others in a way that no one else can.

However, as my children are growing older, they’ve become more vocal in their resentment of sharing my time and energies with those outside our family. I try very hard to be there for them, yet obviously my work with the chevra kaddisha cannot be contained to specific time frames, and between that and the meal coordination, I often need to be out of the house just when my kids are home.

I’m torn. Yes, my family is my top priority, but I’m filling an essential need that I don’t see anyone else able to take over, or even assist me. I know the members of our kehillah well, and each one does what they can, in a way that works best for them. Do I bow out and leave a void? Or do I have a responsibility beyond the walls of my home?

Rabbi Avrohom Weinrib is the rav of Congregation Zichron Eliezer in Cincinatti, OH.

Let me begin by congratulating you. Out-of-town living was created for people like you, people who enjoy giving of themselves and really want to make a difference, people who strive to express their incredible inner kochos and who understand the importance of responsibility to others. I believe this is the main reason people choose to live out of town. Our community in Cincinnati is filled with people like yourself, as are all small out-of-town communities.