“My Married Son Is Making a Bad Career Choice — Should I Set Him Straight?”     

Question

Our son is 24 years old. He is married with one child and lives in Lakewood. Recently, he’s been talking about going to law school and informed us that he has already signed up for an LSAT course. We raised our eyebrows. Our son is a bright boy, but has never been overly ambitious about academics.

We’ve since learned that several of his friends have gotten into top law schools, and our impression is that he is simply jealous, or caving to peer pressure. As far as we see it, pursuing this career path is a recipe for hurt, failure, and disappointment. Yet when we try suggesting this to our son, he refuses to hear it. Is there anything we can do to get him to change his mind?

Answer

There are two very serious dilemmas in this question.

1. At what age do we stop giving advice when it isn’t welcome?
2. Do we really know what our children are capable of based on past performance?

The source of the word advise is “avis,” which means opinion in Old French. When giving advice, it’s important to remember that our advice reflects our opinions. But other people have their own opinions, and changing those opinions is always difficult, most certainly when they pertain to their selves. What are the chances of someone changing your opinion regarding your ability to understand people?

The art of giving advice requires knowing how to deliver the message without the other person feeling you think your opinion is better than theirs. The difficulty with that is being humble enough to recognize that in spite of our confidence in our perception, the other person’s perspective has just as much value.

When a person gives unsolicited advice, especially when they’re in a position of authority, they’re essentially telling the recipient of the suggestion that they need to comply. I know better! You should accept my opinion! Unsurprisingly, this kind of advice often doesn’t go over well and remains unheeded.